I passionately believe in breaking down narratives of problematisation and binary debate. Genuine dialogue that recognises the interwoven nuances of diversity and prioritises both and, rather than either or, is the key to transforming our communities, our organisations, and our world.

So why does conflict emerge, and how can we move forward, together? Hint: Fighting with each-other on social media is not the answer, as cathartic and satisfying as it may be.

Conflict can often look, and feel, like an irresolvable battle. When different understandings and experiences of life and work clash, the arising disagreements are often intense and painful. Separation might seem like the only option, if it seems that the parties involved are unable or unwilling to resolve their conflict. Whilst this may ultimately be necessary, it is possible to ensure that conflict does not reach this point.

When analysed by someone who prioritises equity and social justice, it can seem clear that one party in a conflict has more power than the other. Analysis based on the principles of equity and social justice is clearly important. It is also important to realise, however, that power dynamics are complex, intersectional, and often not clearly visible. Care needs to be taken when analysing power dynamics, and professional analysis can be vital.

These are two versions of popular conflict resolution models:

Both of these examples have positive and problematic elements. They recognise that differences or disagreements will be a part of any group dynamic. However, they treat conflict resolution as a single, straightforward process, which is far from the messy lived reality!

The first (red and black) image shows a process of emerging conflict escalating to the point of pain, requiring negotiation and settlement. Whilst this may be an accurate description of much conflict resolution practice, it ignores the systemic, power-related elements of conflict and problematises the individuals involved, implying a binary debate in which an agreement or settlement must be reached.

The second (green and brown) image shows a process of noticing emerging debate which escalates into conflict necessitating a practice of transforming relationships, and building capacity to manage similar conflicts in the future. This process is slightly more realistic, recognising some of the nuances of conflict and highlighting the need for systemic change. It still, however, just looks a little too easy!

In reality, the only way to live together well in all of our diversity is to recognise each person’s humanity, understand and carefully negotiate power and oppression, listen to those whose voices are marginalised or unheard, and work together creatively to transform or disrupt unjust systems. I feel that Jane Leach’s work in pastoral theology is relevant here. Leach suggests that attending well to diverse voices is central to safe and equitable pastoral practice. I believe that the points Leach raises are also foundational to effective conflict resolution in society and in a range of organisations:

Building on Leach’s model of pastoral attention¹, I have created a cycle of conflict transformation (above) to show the multi-sector relevance of active listening. This cycle begins with hearing diverse voices and perspectives. It then moves to the lifting up, or seeking out, of voices that are not yet heard. Thirdly, it continues towards active listening, listening with an intention to understand, rather than debate, with the aim of building policy and practice. Finally, it enables organisational change, before the cycle begins again! This constant cycle of transformation will not, of course, end all conflict, topple all unjust systems, and bring about perfect harmony. It will, however, keep lines of communication open.

When people are unheard, misunderstood, and separated from processes of change that they are an intrinsic part of, the result is apathy, at best, or violence, at worst. It is time to start listening. It is time for transformation.

¹Leach, J. (2003). Pastoral Theology as Attention. Cambridge: Wesley College.

This Trinity Sunday, an inspired friend posted an image of a trinity knot with the words,

‘Trinity Sunday: Our annual reminder that G-d’s pronouns are they/them’.

Inspired myself, but slightly less brave, I posted the words,

‘Happy Trinity Sunday. If you can accept that God is 3-in-1 then you can surely accept that my pronouns are they/them (and perhaps God’s are too).‘

The complexities of speaking and writing about the Trinity reminded me of the amazing writer, researcher, friend and ally Michael Jagessar’s blessing,

‘Go and sin boldly’.

There are things about which people in churches are afraid to speak, for fear of heresy or sin. I wonder if the real sin is when people with power make the people who they hold power over afraid to speak about God authentically, creatively, experimentally, and joyfully. I wonder if the real sin is limiting God, who is surely beyond human limits, to formulaic, binary, normative certainties.

As a non-binary trans person, I am all too familiar with things that people are afraid to talk about. In churches, people often avoid talking about LGBTQ+ identities. This avoidance limits theology and causes real, tangible harm to the many LGBTQ+ people who attend churches where we are not really welcome for months or even years before learning the truth, often in painful, damaging, and abusive ways.

It’s not just churches, though. In the UK, today, it has become divisive and challenging to embody, talk, or write about trans identities and rights. The government, media, and so-called ‘charities’ that are in fact anti-trans lobby groups have set up a polemic, binary debate in which everyone loses. Speaking at all about being trans leads to being labelled as a trans ‘activist’ and our experiences, opinions, and expertise are discredited as ‘ideology’. I have received hate mail and threats from both anti-trans people and supposed ‘allies’ when my words have fallen over on one side or another of the tightrope that I, and many of my peers, walk every day.

Heresies aren’t only used to control faith and spirituality, they are the oppressive norms that control every aspect of every person’s life, every day. In reality? Perhaps there are no heresies. Well, apart from all that which leads to hatred and harm. There is no one correct way to think, to identify, or to be. Speak your truth. Enable others to speak their truths. More importantly, listen. We can all be heard, and recognised, and loved.

A version of this post was originally published as a ‘Christian Comment’ for the Yorkshire Synod of the URC.

I am fed up of the phrase ‘the new normal’. I do understand it’s appeal, but I wonder if ‘the new better’ or even simply ‘the new new’ might more helpfully describe our yearning for a better future. So let’s have a think about how lockdown has disrupted ‘normal’, how this relates to churches, and what questions we might ask as we co-create our futures!

No More Normal
‘There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens’ – Ecclesiastes 3.1

Covid19, and the measures intended to limit the devastation that it has caused, disrupted normal in both terrible and wonderful ways. There is a time for everything, even lockdown, and lock down we did. This year-and-a-bit of disruption has been incredibly difficult for individuals, communities, and organisations. Many people’s health and wellbeing have worsened. Isolation has become endemic. Communities have become distanced and businesses – both small and large – have had to close. Many people are struggling with grief; both for family members and friends lost, and for the ways of life that have been left behind. No wonder we are tempted to yearn for a ‘new normal’.

And yet, this has also been a time in which the ‘normal’ has been disrupted in complex and – at times – positive ways. We have become ever more aware of racism and transphobia. By learning to enable work at home education establishments, businesses, and other workplaces have become more accessible to people who are disabled and/or neuro-diverse and many people have experienced an improved work-life balance. We have spent more time outdoors, and less money. Even churches have changed immensely, worshipping online, via post, over the telephone and in the great outdoors, lessening our environmental impact and connecting with people who have never been to church, or who used to go to church but have faced exclusion or inaccessibility.

Whilst many people are looking forward to a ‘new normal’ many, myself included, are really worried! Those of us who are trans, black or brown, disabled and/or neurodiverse, and those who work with people who are adversely affected by the norms of society and of church, are afraid that things will simply go back to normal. That transphobia and racism will go back to being ignored. That workplaces and churches will expect people to return to sit behind desks or in pews, regardless of accessibility. That ‘attendance’ will be expected, and those who can’t or won’t attend will be excluded and isolated, just like they were in the years leading up to 2020. That those who feel safest online, or communicate best on social media, or via typing and responding to images, rather than listening and talking verbally, will be marginalised. That mission will continue to be either one-way or circular and that, ultimately, churches and denominations will be increasingly irrelevant – lacking in purpose and direction.

Good News Now?

‘The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life, and have it
abundantly.’ – John 10.10

The Religion Media Centre, and countless newspapers, suggested in March that for the first year ever the number of reported Christians in the U.K. census will fall below 50%. The most regularly suggested reason is that most people see churches as unjust or corrupt, particularly in relation to anti-LGBTQ+ messaging and silence on racism and church-related trauma. I don’t doubt that this is true, and I am a loud advocate for change in these areas. I do wonder, however, if the underlying truth is a little more basic. Our lives have changed, and sitting in a building on a Sunday for an hour largely listening no longer makes sense to the vast majority of people, nor does it fit into their busy lives.

Does that mean that churches in buildings should cease to exist, or that Sunday services should no longer be a thing? Of course not! There are still many people, myself included, for whom time spent in a church building is a wonderfully life-giving, community-building, spiritual, worshipful experience. I believe that there will always be some for whom building-based spiritual practices, fellowship, worship and prayer are essential and central. I do believe, however, that if the church seeks to bring good news to all, or at least to more, we must move beyond a ‘bums on seats’ model of worship, mission, deployment and finance.

And so, I have a plea for church goers, members, elders and ministers everywhere – focus on the NEW, not merely the ‘normal’. As you move forward into the joy of life post-covid, do not forget your neighbours and kin who may be struggling with a return to injustice and exclusion, do not forget the people you have met online over the past year, do not forget those who will never enter your church building. We are ALL God’s children. We should ALL be able to access an abundance of life.

Some Questions

‘See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.’ – Isaiah 43.19

I have some questions for us to consider, questions that might help us to move towards a ‘new
better’ rather than a ‘new normal’:

• How might your church intentionally include those who need to fidget, make noise, or move around?
• How might your church intentionally minister to – and receive ministry from – those who never enter the building?
• How might your church consider different learning styles?
• How might your church contribute to, or support, online churches and church online?
• What social and/or eco justice issues might your church learn, think and pray about? If these questions seem daunting, remember that ‘God is doing a new thing’, that everyone finds change tricky, and that you can reach out for support!
  
  It’s time for things to change for the better. Do you not perceive it?

For February’s campaign, let’s focus in on safer spaces. What do I mean by safer spaces? Why are they needed? Isn’t there disagreement? How can you make a difference? Where can you find out more?

What do I mean by safer spaces?

Safer spaces are physical spaces, groups and services that are fully accessible to, and safe for, trans and non-binary people. Some examples are safe, private, gender neutral toilets, survivor services and other therapeutic services that are centred around trans experience, and non-gendered support and social groups and spaces. These spaces might sound like a given, but a lot of trans people are limited, even house bound, by the lack of safer spaces.

Why are they needed?

The LGBT: Trans in Britain Report includes statistics about the lived experiences of trans people, which highlight the urgent need for safer spaces.

• Almost half of trans people (48 per cent) don’t feel comfortable using public toilets.
• More than two in five trans people (44 per cent) avoid certain streets altogether because they don’t feel safe there as an LGBT person.
• A third of trans people (34 per cent) have been discriminated against because of their gender identity when visiting a café, restaurant, bar or nightclub in the last year.
• Two in five trans people (40 per cent) adjust the way they dress because they fear discrimination or harassment. This number increases significantly to half of non-binary people (52 per cent).

These statistics show that there is a need for safer spaces for trans people. We need clean, private, accessible toilets, that do not rely on us looking stereotypically male or female and where people do not ask intrusive questions about, our bodies or attack us. We need safe streets, where allies protect us from assault. We need safe public spaces where we can go when we feel threatened. We need safe social spaces, where we can relax and meet friends without fear of discrimination or harassment. We need safe worship spaces, where we are not judged or gossiped about.

• One in four trans people (25 per cent) have experienced homelessness at some point in their lives.
• Two in five trans people (41 per cent) have experienced a hate crime or incident because of their gender identity in the last 12 months.
• Three in ten non-binary people (31 per cent) have experienced a hate crime or incident because of their gender identity.
• Younger trans adults are at greatest risk: 53 per cent of trans people aged 18 to 24 have experienced a hate crime or incident based on their gender identity in the last 12 months.
• Hate crime against trans people is significantly underreported; most trans people – four in five (79 percent) – don’t report it to the police. Some trans people who report a hate crime don’t feel supported by the police or experience even further discrimination.
• Three in ten trans people (29 per cent) who accessed social services in the last year experienced discrimination.

These statistics show that there is a need for safer services for trans people. We need shelters and hostels that let trans people in, keep us safe, and have staff who are trained in our identities so that they don’t discriminate against us. We need victim support groups, advocacy services and police forces that understand trans identities and will help us when we are attacked. We need social services that treat us fairly. We need allies who will work with us to demand and ensure that all public service staff are trained in trans identities.

On a personal note, I have lived through many of the difficulties in the stats above. I have walked into public toilets at a train station, late at night, only to find myself surrounded by urinals and having to walk out, shame faced, and wait the hours until I got home. I have walked with my hood up, to avoid being seen and attacked. I have been assaulted in a busy public street, and no-one stopped to help. I have experienced 3 serious hate crimes and countless hate incidents since coming out as trans ten years ago. I only reported 2 of these. I was made to regret reporting both times. I have been asked to leave churches, just because I am trans. And, as trans people go, I am relatively lucky. Can you imagine living with the fear that trans and non-binary people experience every single day because we are not supported to live in safety?

Isn’t there disagreement?

There isn’t actually much disagreement about the need for safe spaces for trans people. There are, however, a number of people who are concerned that safe spaces for trans people mean less safe spaces for women. It’s not a competition! Everyone deserves access to safe spaces, facilities and services. That includes trans people. That also includes women – both cis women and trans women. Trans people do not want there to be no safe spaces for women – but we want there to be safe spaces for us too, whatever our identity. This campaign isn’t about removing safe spaces, it is about adding them.

How can you make a difference?

How can you add safe spaces for trans and non-binary people in your circle of influence? We all access spaces; spaces where we live, socialise, volunteer, work, worship, shop and more. We also have levels of influence over those spaces. If you spend time in a place that has no gender neutral toilets, have a conversation with the people who shape that space over how that might change. If you spend time in a place that could be a difficult environment for trans people, have conversations with the people there about how that space might be changed. If you attend single-gender groups or services, work out if that group can be made accessible to trans people, and consider whether or not it really needs to be single-gender or whether additional services could be added. If you own a space, or run a group or service, consider doing a gender audit and making some changes.

Are you unsure about whether your space or service is accessible to and safe for trans people? Would you like to make a difference, but don’t know where to start? I can provide customised audits for a range of sectors and spaces. If you would like support to assess your space and perhaps make some changes, get in touch.